what am I feeling?
2004-01-02 || 9:01 a.m.

What Am I feeling?

You know I was sitting here today and thinking back at the past year and I couldn't really think of much. I mean nothing really stood out as being great. Other than my kids my life is just very dull. Yeah I saw a few good concerts and had a great long vacation in Maine but what have I accomplished in the past year. Zero,Zilch, Nada, Jack Shit. I havn't done a fucking thing to improve the quality of my life and the quality of my families life. It's time to quit coasting along and do something for a change. I hate to toot my own horn and say that I have many strong points and am pretty talented and am semi inteligent enough to make a huge impact on all of our lives. I am all of those things and more. I'm just lazy I guess or comfortable and I think I have a severe lack of self esteem. Whatever it is I need to change it. No more just eeking my way through life. I need to change things and make them better. Not that there is anything terribly wrong with my life. But it is just o.k.. You only live once so why shouldn't it be Fucking Great! This is something I need to work on. And I hate the fact that it is a new year and that this all sounds like some stupid resolution. But I guess that's what it is. In the words of the famous chef Emeril Lagasse who had probably the worst and shortest sitcom on network television(how the fuck did that happen anyway?) I need to "Kick It Up A Notch !" I feel really bad about this and I need to do something. How I have been living like this for so long is beyond me. It's just not like me and it has never been this way before. I am usually the one on top of things. I am just going to have to change all of that. "BAM!!!"

Later,ROB