Rob Minus Balls
2004-01-21 || 2:15 p.m.

Rob minus balls,

It's official. I made my appointment today to get my balls snipped. Really those are two words in the english language that should never be in the same sentance, Balls and snip. We (the wife and I that is, not me and my balls because if I asked them what they thought I know exactly what they would say) talked about it and decided that I should also get fixed. Which also does'nt make sense to me. Should'nt it be Broke I mean after all they won't ever work again. Oh well. my wife got broke when we had the newest child. She had a c-section so they just tied her up while they were in there. But heres the thing. Her doctor told her that she is very fertile and it would be a very good idea for me to have the procedure done. She said if I did'nt there could be a great risk of tubular birth which can be very complicated. At least thats what my wife said. I often think she's just telling me that so that I have to suffer a little bit also. I used to be freaked out by the whole thing saying "I would never fucking do that. What get my balls snipped? Fuck You!" But now it does'nt seem to bother me. We have three kids and we don't want anymore. I can honestly say ,whether my wife and I stay together forever or not, I don't want anymore children. Even if I were to marry someone else someday for whatever reason. No More kids. I love my kids with every bit of my heart but three is enough. They are all close in age and I think that is the best way for them to be. I think that it would be unfair to say in like 10 years "let's have another kid". That kids siblings would be so much older. How could they relate to eachother? My sister is only five years older than me and she still treats me like her little brother. She was always in a different place in her life than I was. She did all the things to me that a much older sibling would do. I got the older sibling beatings and all of that shit that comes along with having a brother or sister. It was a great day for me when I was old enough and big enough to beat her ass into the ground. Shit she was so pissed at me for that. We have a great relationship now but when we were kids it was different. And I can totaly see how a snotty little 10 year old brother could be annoying when your like 15 and a girl. So I probably deservred what I got back then.

Well anyways, back to the topic at hand. Tonight I am going to pick up a 12 pack and just sit downstairs in my studio and listen to tunes, get drunk and remember the good old days that me and my boys (balls) shared. All the girlfriends that we came in contact with. We'll compare them and talk about the girlfriend who handled us the best and the one who did that special something just to make us feel good. We'll sit and laugh about the good old days of puberty and when my boys finally dropped and how my voice got all fucked up when they finally did drop. We'll talk about the first time we got laid and about how much pain they were in the time I fell out of the tree only far enough to straddle the next branch down. And how after that they retreated to my lower abdomen and would'nt come back out for like an hour. We'll put on Reminiscing by the Little River Band and cry nowing that our days together are numbered. I mean they will still physically be there but not very functional. Sort of like a labotamy for balls. I know that they'll beg and plead with me to reconsider but I'll just bring up the many times they got me into trouble in the past. Then I'm sure they'll go willingly. They say that a man thinks with two heads and sometimes the little one thinks for the big one. Well I don't think that the little head acts alone. He has two other buddys egging him on. kind of funny that they sort of resemble two eggs. So needless to say that Righty and Leftys days are numbered. I will miss them and will never forget what we have been through together. I love my boys and wish them well. I hope they get to see all of their loved ones up in testical heaven.

Adiós mis amigos melenudos redondos!

Later, ROB