What can I say?
2005-04-16 || 2:28 p.m.

What can I say?
Yes ....I know..... I have been a bad diarylander as of late. I have been working so much that I just don't have the time to write in here. My brain is on auto pilot and I havn't been thinking about much of anything lately. I have hardly seen my family and I miss them so fucking much. I feel like I'm an outsider when I finally do get home. They have so much stuff going on that I don't know about and that I'm not a part of that it breaks my heart to know that I missed all of that great stuff. It's not worth it to me but I really have no choice. It's a rock and a hard place situation. I have to provide for them and living in fucking New Jersey is expensive. Car insurance is expensive, homeowners is expensive, The taxes on my house are over 6 grand a year for fucks sake. My buddy just bought a house and grant it, it's pretty big but his taxes are 12,000 a year. Yeah, thats right, $12,000 big ones. And thats on top of his mortgage. And heres a little fun fact about New Jersey, The average price for a house in New Jersey is $350,000! I've seen shacks sell for $250,000 and I mean little tiny houses with like zero property. It's fucking insane. So what do you do? You work your ass off to provide for your family just so you can live and miss out on all the really important shit or you move to another state where in you leave all your family and friends behind. It fucking sucks. My job is great and I love the people I work with but there isn't enough money in the world to replace some of these special moments that I have missed out on. I have been here at work everyday for three weeks now. Oh I lied, I had last sunday off but I'll be here saturday and sunday of this week probably putting in 12-14 hour days. Lets see this week I will have worked between 90 and 94 hours. I'm ready to drop. I took next thursday and friday off though so I can't fucking wait for that. The only problem is that we(the band that is) sing in Hershey Pa. on friday and then we play a benefit back here in Jersey on Saturday night. Hey.....at least I'm not at work right! That still fucks up the time with the family though. If I could only hit this fucking lottery already. COME ON!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! I HAVE BEEN PATIENT!!
Now if working all the time just affected my family life that would be one thing, my diet has gone to shit. I eat what I can and when I get a chance to and when you have zero time to eat your options on nutritious food are slim and none. I try to be concious of my diet but when your stressing about other things that's the last thing I want to be thinking about. I have to make some serious changes but right now I don't know what to do. I seriously have to take a few days and take a look at where my life is going. Not to toot my own horn but I have so many talents that go to waste everyday because I have no environment or the time to utalize them. It's really a shame but that's just kind of the way things have worked out for me. I have to really work on correcting that. Where I am now in life is no where near where I thought I'd be. I need to really fix this before it really gets out of control and I end up working myself right into an early grave.
Well I'm sorry to those of you who sat throught this whole bitching session but I had to get this shit off of my chest. I have had no one to talk to about this stuff lately. The guys I work with are typical men. You know, they talk about cars and power tools and Pam Anderson's tit's and shit like that and I'm fine with that. I like all of those things too, especially tits, but sometimes you need to talk to a friend who you can really talk to if you get what I'm saying. I have a couple friends like this but I never see them anymore. So I have only one choice and that is to file all of my bitching here. It feels good to get it out. Now the last bit of bitching has to do with sex. I sound like one of those old timers " when I was young we used to have sex all day, we'd fuck before breakfast and after lunch. Before dinner was all fore play and right after dessert was the big bang of the day and condoms only cost a nickle back in those days." My penis is so unused at this point that I'm not sure it's even there. I only know that I am holding something when I take a piss but it's just like a drain valve now. I don't even have the time or the energy or even the desire to jerk off anymore.
My wife is feeling it too. By the time I get home she's tired from taking care of the three kids all day so we both just go to bed. It's sorry times in the old Rob household as far as that stuff goes. Hopefully things will pep up in the near future for fear that my willy will shrivel up and fall off. Well I think that's enough bitching and enough talk about my willy. believe it or not.....I have to get back to fucking work! THIS SUCKS!!!!
Later,ROB
Later,ROB