sighhhhh............O.K. here we go
2005-05-19 || 1:26 p.m.

sighhhhh............O.K. here we go

Alright........I'm going to try and write something semi-interesting in here today. I haven't had much to write about or at least I don't think that I do. Everything is stagnant at this moment in my life. Or at least it feels like it is. So today I was sitting here thinking and I realized that it's me. My enthusiasm and lust for life has seriously taken a dive in the past 5 or 6 months. Like I said in my last entry I feel like I'm on auto pilot and I'm just coasting along day after day. Shit, I'm going to my brother-in-laws bachelor party this weekend and I'm not even that excited about that. It's only when I hit rock bottom like this that I realize just how much is actually going on in my life that I should be absolutely over joyed about. I realized that I am taking things for granted. I have a wife and three kids at home who I am proud to say absolutely love me. I get home from work or from wherever and I am greeted with hugs and kisses and happy faces. My kids are always so happy to see me whenever it is. I suppose I have been taking all of that for granted as well. I can't really put into words how I'm feeling but I will surely try. I sort of feel like I'm in my own world. Like all the stuff that happens around me doesn't involve me. I can't really say why I fell this way. It could be the long hours at work lately, or a mid-life crisis sort of thing at the age of 35. Who knows. I often think that maybe I'm depressed but it's not like I sit around and cry or even feel down for that matter. I am just here living out my days. That sounds really sort of morbid but thats kind of how I feel. I'm here now and someday I won't be here. I failed to make my mark as I had planned and dreamed about all my life and believe me I'm o.k. with that because I have succeeded in so many other ways, but at the same time I think that could be what's bothering me. Who the fuck nows, I'm talking in circles here and I'm sure I'm not making much sense at all but I think I need to get it all out somehow. I would talk to someone about how I feel lately but I'm really not sure what I'm feeling. I'm not sad and I'm not all that happy either. I'm just sort of in between I guess. I'm like that guy in the truck commercial who has lost all of his adrenaline. He just sort of sits there with no expression and then he gets that new kick ass truck and all of his adrenaline is restored ten fold. I need that new kick ass truck with the motha fuckin' hemi in it to get myself going again figurativly speaking of course. Now what ever it is in my life that could be that Hemi-powered monster truck I have no clue. I need to figure out what it is though.
Later,ROB